


Peace of mind

by Bohemian (Linguam)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: #SaveShadowhunters, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alec has a lot of feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Husbands, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Post-Episode: s03e22 All Good Things..., Wedding Night, hint at - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-26 23:22:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18726928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linguam/pseuds/Bohemian
Summary: Everything is good right now—great,even. Alec is staring into the eyes of the man who holds his entire future, hishusband.It’s better than anything he’d ever dared hope for.But he has always struggled with the quiet moments in-between.-Inspired by the Malec sneak peek.





	Peace of mind

**Author's Note:**

> The show kind of killed my motivation to write for the last couple of weeks, but at long last, I have something to offer. Now, I have no idea what this is supposed to be and I'm not sure how I feel about it; but, if nothing else, it puts a stop to an over five weeks long dry spell, so there's that.
> 
> It's fact that after what Magnus did in 3x20, he'd be reinstated as High Warlock. If that doesn't happen, I'll goddamn sue.

_He’ll never be safe._

The revelation thunders through the post-coital stillness with the force of an avalanche. Alec’s heart, trying to find its way back to an even rhythm after the mind-numbing orgasm he just had, almost stops beating, the bed shifting beneath him like the mattress has filled with water. He attempts a breath, but it trips somewhere between his throat and his lungs, and he only chokes on it instead.

“Alexander?”

Magnus’s face hovers over him suddenly, smudged eyeliner and messy hair and still-dilated golden eyes taking up Alec’s entire field of vision. Alec swallows, but his throat is as dry as Central Park in mid-July, all words withering from his tongue. He’s not surprised by his brain’s desire to tarnish this rare moment of absolute happiness, but he resents it nonetheless.

They have only known each other for a few months, but already Alec has lost Magnus far too many times. To Edom, to Lorenzo’s magic, to Asmodeus and the deal—to the Soul Sword, and during the body swap with Valentine, and he can’t anymore. Can’t keep losing him. Can’t keep waiting for the world to interfere and force them apart—again; for Magnus to throw his life away— _again_ —for the greater good, as if his worth is measured in proportion to his suffering, in the magnitude of his sacrifice.

Everything is good right now— _great,_ even. Alec is staring into the eyes of the man who holds his entire future, his _husband._ It’s better than anything he’d ever dared hope for.

But he has always struggled with the quiet moments in-between.

“Alexander,” Magnus murmurs, palm an invitation against Alec’s cheek that Alec is helpless not to yield to, his eyes closing with a shaky exhale.

There are no guarantees in their world. Alec knows that better than most. They are both important people with high-risk jobs and a tendency to throw their own well-being to the wind when the people they care about are in danger. It’s who they are. Magnus can’t promise not to put his duty first any more than Alec can. It’s not something Alec has the right to ask of him.

And yet.

“Stay,” he whispers, presses the plea into Magnus’s skin, wishing he could etch it there as if it were a protection rune. “I need you to stay, Magnus. I need you to be _safe._ ”

_You’re not expendable._

Magnus’s face fractures into something at the same time pained and tender. His fingertips press into Alec’s cheek, anchoring.

“You have me, Alexander,” he says softly. “You have me. Always.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec blurts out, although he doesn’t know what for. For having some kind of a minor breakdown on their wedding night, probably.

Magnus shakes his head, an exasperated huff of air rolling over his lips.

“Sometime in the not-too-distant future, we are going to have a conversation about your tendency to apologize in situations where you have done absolutely nothing wrong.”

“I love you so much…”

“I know. I love you, too,” Magnus shushes him, something almost forlorn in the small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. His nails scratch lightly at Alec’s nape. “Are you all right?”

“I’m with you,” Alec mumbles, shivering. That is, after all, all that matters.

Magnus hums.

“That you are.” He brushes Alec’s bangs from his forehead. “And I’m with you.”

“As you should be,” Alec says before he can check himself, and Magnus snickers, the sound light with surprise and amusement.

“Trust me, Alexander, there is nowhere else I’d rather be,” he says, a teasing tilt to his mouth for what he must assume is a display of Alec’s possessive streak, and maybe there’s some truth to that, but that’s not all it is, Alec realizes with sudden clarity. It’s a half-finished thought at best, outlines blurry yet heavy with meaning, but.

_I won’t lose you. I can’t._

He doesn’t know how, only that, if there is a way, he’s going to find it. And, he adds to himself, his heartbeat steady with resolve under Magnus’s palm, if there isn’t, he’ll make one himself. He’ll carve it out with his bare hands if he has to.

“Yeah,” he whispers. “Me, too.”

If the world wants to tear them apart, it’s going to have to try a lot fucking harder.


End file.
